Sunday, December 2, 2012

Holy Heller, Mikeller! And a Big Bone for Stone!

A few weeks back I had Mikkeller's Black Hole (13.1% ABV), a Russian Imperial Stout brewed with coffee, and it blew my mind. I had been letting it age in my basement (I got a nice little stout collection just aging away, a dead body, taunting me from beneath the floor boards) for about six months and couldn't wait any more. It was pricey, like $13 dollars for the bottle (not a bomber bottle, a single bottle, like 13 ounces at the most, can't get exact here because it shattered when I tried to plank on top of it), but damn it was good. I watched this great video of a guy trying it and he made this hilarious face:

He ended up pouring it down the sink. He complained of a syrupy mess with no carbonation. My bottle tasted like a coffee beer milk shake - which is a delicious combination. What it lacked in carbonation it made up for with the bitterness of the hops and coffee - think of the way a good espresso dances in your mouth, how the bitterness or the acidity feels almost like a thick blanket of tiny bubbles - this beer had that. It was thick. It was creamy. I was excited. My crotch got slimy. I loved it and will be buying another bottle with the winnings from next year's fantasy baseball championship.

When I was done I wanted to make myself throw up and then drink it again.

Now I'm drinking a Mikkeller Sleep Over, a coffee imperial IPA, and it is flipping bangin'. I thought it would be weird but I love it. It makes sense that it would work - Imperial Stouts are hoppy and have coffee flavors, so why wouldn't an imperial IPA work?

Mikkeller is at the top of my beer charts for moment. Pricey, but so far the two I've had have been worth it.

However, for six or seven bucks, the Stone Russian Imperial Stout (10.5% ABV) bombers are unbeatable in quality and in what it does to my brain - the juice is like a sleeping bag for my worries and after approximately 25 ounces my eye balls do this weird inverted bug out - like a bug in - where in reality my eyelids weigh 300 pounds and I can barely see but I feel like I'm on a goddamn hoverboard and I'm strong as an ox. No other imperial stout loves me the way Stone's does. Once I killed a sailboat, ate it, and then pooped a submarine. That's what Stone's Russian Imperial Stout does to a man. Serious mojo.

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